How to Start a Strong "Dating" Relationship

When it comes to relationships, there are many misconceptions that both men and women have developed either from their own experiences or from what they have been told by others. This tends to lead to the development of ideas that people believe are universal. In truth, many of these ideas are what lead to bad relationships, and throughout this "How to", I will try to straighten some of the ideas out with some easy steps to follow to understand what is the best relationship for you.

Steps

1. 1
   Make good friends. "True love" rarely comes from a woman you pick up at a bar (or a guy who picks you up at a bar). It may happen, too, but the chances are very slim. The longest-lasting "dating" relationships tend to be those that begin as strong "friend" relationships and eventually become more intimate. Perhaps the most difficult rule to believe is that love is not something you run around looking for.
2. 2
   When you begin to feel closer to a very good friend, don't jump into it. Make sure he/she is sharing the feeling to a certain degree (It does not matter if you are a man or a woman; if you are making advances on a good friend who does not want to become "involved" with you, you will not begin dating, but will instead lose a friend.), and that you both have the same idea. Go slowly, and don't try to force yourselves into a relationship. This will usually be a fairly reliable way to annoy the potential girl/boyfriend. I won't say there are specific universal signs, but you will know when he/she is comfortable with holding hands, putting your arm around him/her, kissing him/her, etc. If they are nudging their faces up into yours, they are probably asking to be kissed, for example. There is no formula to apply here, though. A kiss on the cheek could mean that someone has committed him/herself to you, whereas with some, a kiss on the cheek is nothing more than saying "hello" or "goodbye" to an acquaintance.
3. 3
   If he/she doesn't seem to want to advance the relationship beyond "friends," don't assume he/she was "leading you on." You may have seen his/her friendly remarks as potential come-ons because you wanted them to be. Just remember this: You can remain friends with him/her, without dating or thinking romantically of one another.
4. 4
   If you do end up dating, that's all I can tell you. This isn't a how-to for sex tips or anything other than building a healthy romantic relationship.

Tips

• A relationship is probably not very healthy if either party is getting forceful. If you are told that "The woman is always right," or that "Men are the decision-makers; women should obey," you may not be hearing sexism. You may be hearing your significant other trying to bypass your input. When this happens, either way, you are getting signs that the relationship is unbalanced. If your boy/girlfriend is trying to write you off by saying men/women are not supposed to be able to make final decisions, then they are reducing the other's purpose to a chore-doer and "sex buddy." So here's the general rule: Arguing is a form of debate that involves two parties, each trying to defeat the other side's point entirely. Discussions are a form of debate in which the two parties try to compromise. In a good relationship, the vast majority of debates should end in compromises, not one person throwing up their hands resignedly.
• On a similar note, it is also a terrible idea to talk in a prescribed way. If you are looking for more than a one-night stand, regardless of your sex, you should be looking to attract the person who likes you, not the person you pretend to be. Because sooner or later, that barrier will crash down and your boy/girlfriend will see who you are.
• One of the most unfortunate misconceptions is that there are ways to generalize the mental function of a man or a woman. In truth, the only thing that all men and women have in common with their own sex is biological. There are women who act like "stereotypical" men, and vice versa. Therefore, you cannot judge reliably how a man or woman behaves in a given situation by the rule that "Women don't like x, y, z," or that "Men prefer z, y, x." Learn the person's personality, don't rely on dating websites to tell you how to talk.
• Also look out for loss of the relationship. Frequently, relationships can dissolve into sex. In truth, being able to talk is necessary in order to be able to lead a healthy relationship, regardless of who you are. There will come a time when you will no longer be able to use sex as a way of denying your differences (be it age or a random time in the relationship), and when that time comes, it will be obvious that you can't get along.

How to Enjoy Dating

Although dating is not rocket science, the experience sometimes feels like science fiction. Often, unrealistic expectations lead to needless dating drama. The following steps provide actual ways to make dating a pleasant experience for both of you.

Steps

1. 1
   Stop complaining. The good ones are not all taken. If they were, you would be sipping mai tai on a beach with your beloved right now.
2. 2
   Be less critical. Are super models breaking down your door begging you for attention? Are moguls whisking you away to Spain for tapas? No? Perhaps, it's time to accept a date simply because someone was lovely enough to ask you.
3. 3
   Use your manners. Please don't be rude. Saying please and thank you will make moms proud and endear you to your date. Promptly returning phone calls, whether or not you plan to accept an invitation, is appropriate and respectful. "Coy" is for the fish.
4. 4
   Be confident. Just be confident and show your characters and all your best side to your date to get a great impression.
5. 5
   Step outside of your box. Insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting a different result. In other words, every time you tick off your list of "must haves and can't dos" you limit yourself to dating similar people. Has that worked for you so far?
6. 6
   Have original date ideas at your disposal. These can include physically active dates (such as mountain biking or rock climbing) to creative dates (such as going to a pottery or ballroom dancing class).
7. 7
   Have fun! Even if you're 10 minutes into the worst date ever, a sense of humor goes a long way. Every hideous detail can be used later to regale your friends with laughter.

Tips

• Turning a first date into a second date can happen if you remember the following: say thank you; treat someone the way you would like to be treated; and smile.
• Be yourself and be polite.
• Turning someone down with aplomb can happen if you remember three things, say thank you, be clear and use empathy.

Warnings

• People can be creepy. Stepping out side of your box does not mean ignoring your gut. If a person or a situation doesn't feel right, trust your instinct and move on.

How to Date a Bisexual Person

Two Methods:Understanding Your PartnerSolidifying the Relationship

Dating a bisexual can be a really intimidating thing. Are they constantly checking out everyone? Will they eventually leave you when the realize what they actually want? Well, for starters, no and no. Dating a bisexual can be just like dating a Catholic, a race car driver, or a brunette. That is, it doesn't really matter. Read on to put your concerns away and relax in your relationship.

Method 1

Understanding Your Partner

1. 1
   Know that many bisexual people will not prefer one sex over another. Many bisexuals, even those who eventually marry, may change their preferences depending on how they feel. When entering into a serious relationship with a bisexual person, be prepared to accept their attraction to a person of another sex—the same way straight or gay people are attracted to members of one sex. Remember that if this person is dating you in the first place, it is because they are attracted to you as an individual.

   • Even though bisexual people are attracted to two sexes, this doesn't mean they are attracted to everyone. They have limits and standards, just like everyone else does. By the same token, do not ask your partner if they "prefer sex with men or women." If you are in a relationship with them, you must always assume that they prefer you.
2. 2
   Respect the bisexuality of the person you're dating as part of his or her identity. Most bisexual people consider themselves to always be bisexual, no matter who they are dating at the time. Do not suggest that they are heterosexual if they are in a relationship with a person of the opposite sex, or that they are homosexual if they are in a same-sex relationship.

   • As such, do not ask your partner if he or she is attracted to each person that they meet. Instead, accept them as they are if you wish to retain your relationship with them.
   • Some people differentiate between their orientation and their behavior. Their orientation is bisexual, but their behavior (at least currently) is straight or gay. This is normal and all a part of the spectrum.
3. 3
   Know that bisexuals aren't "in transition." Not so long ago, being gay was flat out unacceptable. As a result, many homosexuals eased the coming out process by proclaiming themselves as bisexual and sort of getting their feet wet. It sort of ruined everything for those who were actually bisexual, turning Bitown into a pit stop to Gayville. But that's not how it is. Sure, some people may transition that way, slowly realizing (or letting themselves realize) they're gay—but others are aware of themselves and know that they're bisexual without question.

   • It's perfectly normal to worry that your partner will eventually "turn" gay or "turn" straight. While it's feasible, don't think it's likely. Either way, right now they're into you, and that's all that matters.
4. 4
   Realize that bisexuals aren't promiscuous. They are just like everyone else. The gay community (and bisexuals getting lumped into that) gets a bad rap for being particularly oversexed. A lot of that is true; there are a lot of homosexuals and bisexuals having tons of casual sex. However, there are lots of straight people having casual sex all over the place as well. It has less to do with the orientation of the person and much more to do with their character. Bisexuals are not any more or less likely to be monogamous than anyone else.

   • For a long time, many gay and bisexual people couldn't act on their feelings, or society would reject them. Now that society is becoming more tolerant, some people may try to make up for all that "lost time" once they come out of the closet. After all, a whole new world opened up to them. Wouldn't you take advantage of it too? So while promiscuity has nothing to do with orientation, it may have something to do with being held back for so long.
   • If he or she is a cheater, they're a cheater regardless of their sexuality. A person of good, upstanding character won't cheat, whether they're bisexual, homosexual, or heterosexual.
5. 5
   Understand that bisexuals aren't indecisive, untrustworthy, or confused. Many believe that bisexuals are just having their cake and eating it too, aren't really self-aware, or are immature and selfish and therefore can't be trusted. None of these are true. Bisexuals made the same choice that heterosexuals made. That is, they didn't make one. They just happen to be attracted to both sexes.

   • The idea that someone's sexual orientation determines their character is archaic. While many gays do tend to use their sexual orientation to identify themselves and grow their character, that's more of a poor reflection of society than it is a statement on the nature of sexuality. While liking men or women or both is a part of you, it's just a big a part as having brown hair or two arms. Big deal, right? It's just a question of preference, some prefer sweet, some prefer savoury, some like it hot, some prefer cold, some like men, some like women, some like both. It's really nothing to get hung up about. Focus on what you like about your partner and what they enjoy about your company.
6. 6
   Know that they're just as likely to be monogamous. Persons who are considered to be bisexual are attracted to two sexes, but this doesn't mean that they feel the need to be with a man and a woman at the same time. Just like straight or gay people, the vast majority of bisexual men and women will want a monogamous relationship. When it comes to marriage, a bisexual person may end up with a partner of either gender.

   • If a woman marries a man it does not mean that she is straight, and by the same token, marrying a woman will not make her gay. The person that they marry will be the one they are in love with as a person, and may or may not have anything to do with gender.

Method 2

Solidifying the Relationship

1. 1
   Enter into a serious relationship with your significant other just as you would with any other person, regardless of sex or orientation. Understand that if they are attracted to a member of a different or the same sex as yours, that they are not cheating on you. This is the same as straight or gay people being attracted to other members of one sex. Remember that your partner is attracted to you as an individual, and by understanding that they wish to remain with you, it will make your relationship stronger.

   • In a serious relationship, your partner should not only be your lover, they should also be your best and most trusted friend. If you feel you cannot accept this, then do not enter into the relationship. Remember: It's no different than how a heterosexual person will always be attracted to the opposite sex, yet they chose to be in a relationship with you, instead of all the other people they are attracted to.
2. 2
   Don't let jealousy become an issue. Sure, the entire world is open to them when it comes to sexual options. Sort of. Only not really. They still have standards. If anything, being bisexual is going to make them more selective when it comes to the men and women they are attracted to—and you're one of them!

   • And definitely don't let it morph your perception of yourself. You should not try to be more macho or more feminine. You nabbed them in the first place, so you are good as you are. Just because they're attracted to both sexes doesn't mean they want both at the same time.
3. 3
   Don't let paranoia ruin the relationship's potential. If you're straight and you're dating someone who is bisexual, don't fret that they're just on their way to discovering they're gay. And if you're gay and dating someone who is bisexual, don't fret that they are "just going through a phase." This person wants to date you, and they won't suddenly become gay or straight. There is no reason to be paranoid.

   • Sometimes if you go looking for trouble, you'll find it. If you don't trust the person you're dating, they'll be able to tell. An otherwise perfect relationship could get ruined just by being in your head. Relax! Any paranoia on your part is just imagined.
4. 4
   Maintain a healthy relationship with your significant other, as you would with any other person that you enjoy being with, or even love. Be honest with them, be open with them, and share thoughts and feelings. Forgive one another and tell the unarguable truth when it comes to disagreements, learn to appreciate your partner rather than show unhealthy criticism. Help each other when needed, and communicate openly about most any thing as you would, with a person of your same sexuality.

   • If your partner doesn't ease your jealous tendencies, then it's not because they're bisexual—it's because they're inconsiderate of your feelings. If you constantly find yourself wondering and worrying, it's an issue to be discussed with your partner. If you don't feel reassured and safe, it may be a relationship that needs to end.
5. 5
   Ask questions. It is perfectly normal to need your worries or concerns assuaged. You need their orientation explained to you and odds are they'll be perfectly happy to do that. After all, it's certainly your business! Go in level-headed and confident. They're with you.

   • "Do you want a sexual relationship with a man/woman?" is a very different question than, "Are you sexually attracted to men/women? Some bisexuals will willingly admit they're into two sexes, but having a relationship with one isn't in the foreseeable future or is a hot fantasy. In your conversations, be sure to clarify meanings and speak clearly. Knowing will help you relax and assure you in your emotions and in your relationship.
6. 6
   Be open minded. Some people think that bisexuality is a bad thing, and it certainly has its unique challenges. However, being bisexual is just another manifestation of human sexual diversity. You wouldn't discriminate against someone of a different race or denomination, so how is this any different?

   • Other people may feel it's in their right to ask you questions about dating a bisexual. They may openly express their disbelief at the legitimacy of your relationship or show inappropriate levels of surprise or pessimism. These people have old-fangled conceptions of relationships and don't deserve a second look. If you're happy, you're happy. That's all that matters.
7. 7
   Take a look inward. If you're still concerned about dating a bisexual, it may be more a reflection of you than it is of them. Are there deeper issues of trust at play here? Maybe you're afraid they'll leave you not because they're bisexual, but because of your own issues with self-worth. It just gets all confused in your mind. Rest assured, they're with you.

   • Think about it this way: They chose you over every other person on the planet. How awesome does that feel? You sure must be something!

Community Q&A

• How can I tell my friend that I am bisexual?

  wikiHow Contributor

  Pick the right moment, like when you are having a heart to heart, or when you are out having fun. Tell your friend, and if he/she says, "No big deal. Thanks for telling me," then great. If he/she has a problem, then find an awesome, open-minded friend.

  
  
• How can I tell that I'm bisexual and not just "going through a phase"?

  wikiHow Contributor

  Just ask yourself if you feel attracted to multiple genders and could see yourself with them. If so, you're probably bisexual. If at some point in the future you realize that you were wrong, that's completely fine -- there's nothing wrong with that, and nothing wrong with you.

  
  
• What do I do if my partner came out as bisexual nearly 15 months into our relationship? Can I trust him? Why didn't he tell me sooner?

  wikiHow Contributor

  Coming out is a hard thing to do. Some people can take years to realise that they are part of the LGBT community. If you're still unsure, sit down with him and talk to him about it.

  
  
• I've had a crush on my straight best friend for a while. Recently, she confessed that she might be bisexual as well. What should I do?

  wikiHow Contributor

  If you have feelings for her its best to come out and say it, then take it from there based on how she reacts.

  
  
• What do I do when I find out my crush is also bi?

  wikiHow Contributor

  Then accept him or her.

  
  
• How can I get someone of the same gender to kiss me?

  wikiHow Contributor

  Firstly, make sure that this person likes you. If they do like you, wait for the right moment, then slowly lean in and kiss them. If the person does not like you, then do not force them into kissing you. Doing so will not change their feelings about you; it will only make them feel more uncomfortable.

  
  
• Is it normal for a bisexual to date a bisexual person?

  
  

  It is perfectly normal. Date whoever you like.

  
  
• What should I do if I'm bisexual and in love with a straight girl?

  wikiHow Contributor

  There's always a chance she's not really straight and she just hasn't told anyone or doesn't yet know herself. If you want to be bold, you could express your feelings to her and see how it goes. If she's not interested, you just have to accept it and move on.

  
  
• What do I do if a bisexual guy wants to kiss me?

  wikiHow Contributor

  It depends on whether or not you would like him to kiss you. If you want to kiss him as well, just lean in for the kiss. If not, respectfully decline his attempt to kiss you by simply telling him that you are not interested.

  
  
• What do I do if the person I am dating is looking for casual sex on same-sex dating sites?

  wikiHow Contributor

  If they are looking for casual sex while dating you, bisexuality is not the issue. Try talking to them about it. If you're not okay with this behavior, consider ending the relationship.

  
  

Tips

• Bisexual people need their partner to acknowledge their sexuality. Not ignore it or be threatened by it. This goes for both homosexual and heterosexual relationships.
• Try not to be extra cautious around them. This will make them feel insecure or annoyed. Just treat them like you would any other person, and don't avoid a certain topic just because they are bisexual.
• Remember that, to a bisexual person, a person's sex becomes more like hair color in relation to attraction and desirability. To a bisexual person, being attracted to men and women is no different than liking both blond hair and brown hair.
• Don't assume that because they're bisexual that they will necessarily go for the easier option, or that they can't understand the difficulty of being a gay/lesbian in a heterosexual society. They may also not be prepared to form a durable opposite-sex relationship. Bisexual people cannot choose to be straight, nor are they just denying that they are gay; they have about as much choice when it comes to who they are attracted to or fall in love with as anyone else.
• If your motivations for dating a bisexual are just for some sexual fantasy, then be up front about it with your potential partner before the relationship develops.
• A bisexual person may actually be a bit confused at your inability to be attracted to both sexes. This does not mean that you give off homosexual or heterosexual "vibes."
• A bisexual person may want a different kind of relationship with one gender, and a different relationship with another. (For example: a long-term child bearing relationship with one gender, and a short-term physical relationship with the other.) This may be completely unrelated to their physical attractions.
• Be true to yourself.
• The bisexual might prefer one gender over the other, but if you're in a relationship with them, never assume that they would love you less or more if you were the opposite gender.
• Bisexuality is to be attracted to two or more genders. This could mean only being attracted to specific aspects they associate with a particular gender, or attraction to people in general regardless of gender, et cetera. Some people who are attracted to all genders identify as pansexual.

Warnings

• Don't ever tease them about being bisexual. They may just laugh it off, but inside you may be hurting them or making them feel insecure. So unless they actually tell you it's okay, don't tease them.
• Do not assume, or suggest, that bisexual people are any more interested in threesomes or voyeurism than any other person. Bisexuality does not equate to being a sexual omnivore (being attracted to some men, and some women). Also, do not assume that they are more promiscuous than other people just because they are bisexual.
• Do not tell them that being bisexual is just a transient thing and that they will finally find their sexual orientation. They know their own sexual orientation much better than you do, and your only job here is to accept them as they identify.
• Some bisexual people appreciate certain traits in only one sex. For example, a bisexual person my like curves in women and muscles in men. Do not attempt to conform yourself to what they find attractive in the other gender without asking your partner. That is, don't try to appear curvy as a man, or muscular as a woman. Every bisexual person is different, and may want you to stay just as you are. However, if you want to change your appearance for your own benefit, that's okay too; every relationship should be equal, and you do not have to change, or stay the same, purely for your partner.
• Similarly, do not suggest that a bisexual person would be necessarily more or less attracted to someone who is transgender. Transgender people often see themselves as entirely their target gender, and it is not "the best of both worlds". Implying that your partner might be more interested in a transgender individual makes you sound insecure and can be hurtful to everyone involved.

Sources and Citations

1. http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2012/09/your-boyfriend-had-a-boyfriend-would-you-date-a-bisexual-man/
2. http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2012/10/would-you-date-a-bi-guy-glamour-magazine-november-2012

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